I live in Australia, so for me the experience of leaving the church was probably not the horrendous torture that those living in places live Utah or Arizona go through. I found out yesterday that my mother, (who introduced me to the world of brainwashing) no longer goes to church; although she still feels the need to talk about it whenever we see each other and seems to be something of a defender of the morg.
However, in someways the freedom and relative ease with which I left the church sometimes plays on my mind. There seem so few people around who I can share my thoughts with. My partner, pretty much an atheist, really doesn't get my moments of mormon guilt or have any idea why I duck and hide when I see missionaries. He makes fun of the few mormon friends that I run into - if you hate the church you hate the members - and doesn't get that I actually miss some of those people. My entire social life was built around the church, when I left it was my work mates I turned to. He really doesn't understand why the majority of my close friends are people I work with. He also doesn't get the burning anger that sometimes wells ups inside of me when I think about the years (not to mention dollars) I invested in the evil empire.
Anyway, when I can I visit places like exmormonformums.com and that cheers me up. I also enjoy trawling through exmo blogs...so I guess that inspired me to write my own. It won't be an addictive thing like my other blogs...I'll just write when I need. Maybe someone out there will read, maybe they won't. But at least my thoughts are floating in cyber-space not just clogging up my brain.
Bye for now
I'm an ex-Mormon living in world between mormon guilt and non-mormon liberation. Occasionally I'll need to vent....
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5 comments:
Hi Wendy!
Nice to read you!
My wife and I are just about to formally resign (FINALLY), though I've been held in it essentially against my will for the last 4 years by the fact that my wife (Lemon Blossom here in blogworld) resisted and stayed in denial until the last six months or so. We're now on our way out, are tasting freedom at last.
Interestingly, I did not find it difficult (internally) to leave either. Of course, I was a convert at the age of 25 (god, eight years ago???) and only really believed in it for a couple of years. I was raised an atheist, so my identity, self-image and social world wasn't totally tied up in the church.
But my wife? She has been in the church all her life, and her father's a bishop. Both she and I pretty much agree that I cannot truly understand the intense emotional distress questioning (and eventually leaving) the church causes born- and longer-term-Mormons. But I have seen the fear, the despair, the stress and the massive, insanely-persistent guilt complexes first-hand, watching her for the last five years, ever since I openly expressed serious doubts. Not to mention the terrible, almost deal-breaking strain on our relationship.
In our relationship, though, *I* (the convert who sustained less emotional harm) am angry as hell, while she (the lifelong TBM) is just sad and wishful that all the bad things could go away and that it could just miraculously be true in spite of it all. I think she's just not at the stage to be angry yet, but I'm pretty sure it'll come. Such betrayal can't but bring anger once its reality has sunk in.
Anyway, we're both new to this whole blogging thing, and it's nice to see someone else across the world doing the same thing at about the same rough time! AND who, to boot, appears, from the link on your page, to be someone with social justice convictions (not common among people raised so politically-conservative). So welcome from a fellow hatchling exmo blogger! I look forward to reading your writings.
Do you plan on writing "your story", so to speak? That's the first task I decided to take on in my blog. I can't speak for anyone else, but my wife and I would be very interested in reading about your experiences.
Cheers and welcome!
Gluby
P.S. Oh, and your resignation letter -- did you check out the info and example letter at MormonNoMore.com? I've read that, if you don't do it right, there are a couple of things that tend to happen: (1) they don't take it as seriously, as they assume you don't know what you're doing and haven't researched the matter, and (2) they run you through the wringer, scheduling interviews (even a "Court of Love" sometimes), sending members to your house, etc. If you didn't, you might want to send them another letter after reading this info.
(Sorry that last comment was not so clearly written at points -- I was multitasking while writing and missed a few gaffes.)
Hi Gluby and Lemon Blossom,
great to hear from you.
Thanks for the tip, I followed the proforma but I'm actually starting to think the letter didn't arrive or they're just in denial.
It's on my list of things to do after i move house (on Monday!!!!!!!)and we buy a new printer as ours has just gone to god (well, it wasn't baptised so maybe it's in the spirit prison ooooohhhhh) Sorry, I'm at the point where I find enormous humour in the "doctrine".
Glad you and your wife are free, it must have been extra hard for lemon blossom (cute name) but ultimately, we've given up enough of our lives to a false religion, so make the most of the rest of it!!!
Wendy
PS Don't worry about gaffs, I'm an English teacher and make plenty..plus I see plenty on a daily basis so I am immune.
and I'm sort of writing my story in dribs and drabs. I'm still working out when the definitive moment of truth arrive for me...I think it was when I was teaching that awful primary lesson where the brainwashing is so transparent!
I wonder how much of the church's response to resignation letters is determined by geographical boundaries. In the U.S., there is a foundational court case that all U.S. church lawyers know that established that a resignation letter takes effect immediately, regardless of church policy, and it could not use its disciplinary proceedings to stigmatize a member who quit.
But Australia? If it doesn't have a similar protection in its law books, maybe the Mormon gerontocracy and its lawyers treat Aussies differently. I'd be interested to know if the church takes that into account and jerks people around more where they can get away with it.
Oh, and no worries whatsoever about humour. If you've read what I've written elsewhere, reverence is about the furthest thing from my mind. And it would appear to me that the same is true of the others in Outer Blogness.
Unsolicited Printer Advice: Be sure and get yourself a laser printer! Per-page costs are usually around 20% of what the inkjet per-page costs are. Personally, I'm very happy with my middle-end Brother with network connectivity (about $450 I think it was). HP mid-to-high-end printers are nice, but you pay a high premium (I worked supporting HP laser printer network print server devices for a couple of years, so I'm familiar), but stay away from their low-end stuff -- get a mid-range Brother instead. Can't speak for other brands.
And amen to that bit about giving up enough life to a false religion -- I'm all about shaking off the groping clutches of senseless asceticism and guilt about being human. Treasures in heaven INDEED!
Anyway, I'm intrigued so far! Also, if you have time, I'd love to hear your thoughts on mine as I write it. (I've decided to take it chronologically as a multi-part story. Part 1 -- the conversion -- is done.)
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