Ethics

When you grow up in the church you do the right thing because god wants you to, because the church expects it, because everyone is watching you and will judge you as a mormon.
When do mormon kids, or adults for that matter, ever get taught about ethics and true morality? If we do the wrong thing we blame satan or peer group pressure, we may repent and believe that all is well in the kingdom of god. But it isn't. What about the people we've hurt? What about the harm done? What if what we were doing wasn't "bad" anyway but just some jumped-up rule made by some crazy paedophile years and years ago?
It's interesting, but sometimes the naughtiest kids at school are mormon kids. Why? Because they haven't actually been taught values. They've been fed church propaganda, which tells them that schools are full of gentiles. That it's ok to be sexist and rude so long as you attend church, rock up to a few service projects and vomit your emotional garbage at starve and tell once a month.
I've done things I'm not proud of but at the time I swept them under the carpet of "I was less active at the time" or "I was influenced by others." What's worse is that I've pushed these ridiculous views and idiologies onto others by teaching within the church. What troubles me is the fact that I felt guilty about things for the wrong reason - I let god down, I let the church down, but I didn't worry about the friend I had let down!
I'm so glad I'm out. I just wish I could rewind back and fix things - not like the Butterfly Effect though - just being me back then and knowing what i know now. One thing's for sure I'd have a lot more fun!

Guilt

I used to teach in the Young Women's Program. I quite liked it, lots of practical stuff and life values. But also the full on Church shit that infiltrates and brainwashes their young minds.

So now to MySpace. My niece has MySpace...so I got one so we could stay in touch..yes I know how to use a phone, but this has pix and goss. (My students found my MySpace so I can't put anything too honest on there if you know what I mean).

Anyway, I looked through Deanne's "Friends" and there were a few people I recognised from the youth program. So now I trawl through their pages looking for clues to see who's escaped the morg and who hasn't. I'm so happy to see beer glasses in hands, nicotine patches, tales of wild nights out....all in the hope that despite my part in their indoctrination they have broken free. Of course many are over the top, which reinforces my belief that the church does an enormous amount of damage because when kids leave they have never learned about moderation or risk minimisation. It's all or nothing for them so they don't know when to stop.
The church sucks..fully